The Queen's Delirium
by Kitten Luberia
Summary: Kiichi suddenly finds herself realizing she's developed a crush on Jiki. Unsure of what to do with these new feelings, the young Queen of the First Ship becomes nervous, and tricks Jiki into going on a date with her. However, he isn't as oblivious as she might have hoped. And she'll soon find out: is her love really just one-sided?


_Just how did things turn out like this?_ Kiichi wondered, as she laid awake in her bed. Despite how late it was, she had not fallen asleep yet. In fact, she was having quite a case of insomnia lately. Her mind was no longer a quiet place, her thoughts restless and never-ending. The beauty sleep she had waited for at the end of every long day of hard work was now nothing but an unfulfilled dream to her.

Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she had already realized why this was happening.

"So it's Jiki-kun, huh?" She asked herself softly.

Distant sapphire orbs fixed upon the ceiling, staring at nothing in particular. Her expression appeared as someone who'd lost all hope. The idea that she could have liked him was beyond foolish, embarrassing, unacceptable; but it was..._real_. And she couldn't escape it. No matter how hard she may try, she knew already that she was doomed to spiral deeper and deeper into this state of confusion and longing.

Kiichi let out a small sigh, closing her eyes. What was she going to do? Even if she were to accept this new development, she wasn't used to these things. She'd never once thought about love before; she didn't need such silly things! All that was ever important to her was her status as a member of the First Ship of Circus, and getting her jobs done well. She didn't get too attached to anyone; or at least...she thought she _wouldn't_.

These new feelings only put her into a difficult situation. Part of her wanted to admit it, to become closer to Jiki, to fully give into loving him. But the other part said no, told her that it was wrong, and she was stupid; that this would only get in the way of her work, and above all: that she'd be rejected, hurt, and never able to recover from it. However...keeping her feelings bottled up inside didn't do her any good, either.

The young girl quickly turned and planted her face into a pillow, screams muffled in the cloth. Kiichi didn't want to admit it, even to herself, but she was scared. She was almost certain about how Jiki thought of her already, but she couldn't let things continue as they were; she needed an answer.

* * *

Before she knew it, Kiichi was wandering through the ship, in search of the young, four-eyed man. She found him, awake in his room, looking over data from their last mission. The door was open, so she let herself in.

"Jiki-kun," Though her heart was still shaken, her tone regained its usual hint of arrogance. "I would hope you don't have plans tomorrow. We have a mission."

Jiki barely took the time to glance at her from over his shoulder, too interested in the files before him. "Is that so?" He asked, his voice bored, if anything. "And what might it be, this time?"

"We'll soon be passing by a town thought to contain traces of Varuga. The two of us were ordered to check things out. We leave in the morning. Don't be late. And dress nicely!" With that, Kiichi turned and left.

Jiki stared after her, amber eyes narrowing as they fixed on the empty hallway. _What was that about?_ She was acting different than usual. And the fact that she'd said 'dress nicely' made him rather suspicious. On missions, it was normal to wear a black cloak, and he would usually remove his glasses. _She was up to something._

* * *

Saturday morning. Noon. The two arrived in the town just as their ship passed by, overhead. As asked, Jiki dressed properly: donning a medium-blue, short-sleeved sweater, with a white, long-sleeved dress shirt underneath; the collar of which opened just enough to reveal his clavicle; a pair of white jeans, and of course, his glasses. As for Kiichi, she had put on an outfit that was a shade of blue as dark as her hair: a crop top decorated with a burst of hearts of varying sizes on the left shoulder, and a light blue rose over her heart, her midriff bared; which was matched with a miniskirt and a pair of striped, thigh-high stockings. Looking at the two of them, they couldn't be seen as anything but a couple on a date.

Once they were there, the two began to explore the area, coming across a few unexpected things; Kiichi had not planned this little..._mission_ all too well, and was just as surprised as Jiki was when they realized that the town was having a celebration today! There were lots of people, games, and even a parade; in which Kiichi decided to take part._ They had to blend in,_ she'd said. _If they were 'looking for Varuga', they shouldn't have stood out._ But that was just her excuse.

A few hours later, after playing around in town and finding no traces of Varuga anywhere, Jiki was exhausted. Kiichi had taken him here, there, and just about everywhere! Finally, the two found one last place to visit: a little coffee shop located in the more quiet part of town.

"We should take a break." Kiichi suggested, gesturing a hand towards the café.

Jiki wasn't going to say no. After all the running around they'd just done, he needed some time to relax. So the two made their way inside; Kiichi sitting down at a table, while Jiki ordered a coffee for each of them, and a few pastries for the queen. He didn't like sweets very much, and was satisfied with his drink, alone. He sat down across from her in silence for about ten minutes, before finally speaking up.

"Kii-chan, I know what you're doing."

Her eyes widened slightly, but she did her best to keep herself calm. It was obvious something wasn't right; she couldn't hide it for too long. He was going to find out sometime, she knew that. But, part of her hoped he was oblivious, stupid.

Jiki looked around the room, eyes that had grown tired soon locking onto her sapphire pair. Of all the things he could have been, he was definitely not stupid. He had already come to his conclusion based on the day's events; rather, he'd known for awhile, but only found the chance to confirm it now.

"You like someone, don't you? Is it Nai-kun? Or, maybe Gareki-kun?" He studied Kiichi's expression carefully as he questioned her, looking for any sign that she would soon cave in. "If this was your way of getting me out here to ask for advice, it's ridiculous."

Truthfully, Jiki didn't believe, even for a second, that she liked either of those boys. He knew exactly who she desired, but he couldn't say it for her; she had to admit it herself. Teasing her was sure to bring the right answer out; and besides that, it was fun!

Placing his elbow on the table so he could rest his head on his hand, Jiki continued to watch her.

Slowly, her temper began to rise, and a sound similar to a kettle releasing steam had escaped from her. Hands slamming onto the wooden table before her, Kiichi rose from her seat and roared at the male, "As if Kiichi would _ever_ be interested in the likes of them!"

Kiichi's face flushed a dark shade of red as she realized the scene she'd just caused. Meanwhile, a small, devilish grin spread along Jiki's lips. _That was too easy._

The young girl stood there for a moment, quiet, trying her best to calm down. Her hands, which were still firmly placed upon the table, were about the only thing keeping her from losing her balance; at the same time, her shoulders and knees began to shake, her head spinning. That sudden outburst, as well as the confusion from these new feelings she'd developed only made her dizzy.

With a soft voice, she tried again. "The person Kiichi likes...is Jiki-kun!"

For a moment, the male just sat there in silence, cleaning his glasses with a small cloth from his pocket, before sliding them back into place. He wasn't ignoring her. Even though her voice was close to inaudible, Jiki had heard each word clearly. And, at this moment, he was just trying to think of the best way to reply.

"Well, this doesn't come off as too much of a shock to me. You're a fifteen-year-old girl, so it's normal for you to suddenly develop a crush. I must admit, I should have expected that you'd fall for me, and been more careful about our interactions. I'm sorry, I cannot answer those feelings." He'd decided, his voice calm, serious; the tone expressing his attempt at being gentle. But this did not have the desired effect.

Kiichi's body began to shake more visibly, and it was obvious how hurt she was feeling. "Don't think Kiichi didn't expect that!" She said, trying her best to stay strong, though her voice was wavering, as if she were trying to hold back tears. Not even a second later, and she'd darted out of the café, hoping that Jiki had not seen her start to cry.

Jiki sighed. _If only things could have ended better._ Though the two never seemed to get along well, it was really just the opposite. He never hated Kiichi. She was his partner, after all. They may have always picked on each other, but there was no doubt in his mind that she was an important person to him, someone he didn't want to lose.

He never aimed to hurt her with his words. Actually, it may have been that he was more hurt by them than she had been. Even though Kiichi was the one who stormed off in tears, Jiki was still sitting by himself in the quiet little coffee shop, left only to regret what he'd said and made her feel. But...there was more to it than that. It wasn't just regret. He, too, felt a form of heartache. This emotion was something he had tried to ignore for a long time, but now that this undesirable situation had come about, there was no avoiding it.

_Maybe he loved her, too._

As that thought crossed his mind, a spark of pain struck his heart. That was not a realization he'd wanted to make. No matter how he or she felt, things couldn't work out between the two of them. She was fifteen, he was twenty; that age difference alone posed a great problem. He was thought of enough as a bit of a pervert; starting a relationship with a girl this young would prove to make him look worse. But, it's not as though he cared so much about what people thought of him. It was more that he worried about Kiichi, as he didn't want to do anything that would break her.

Getting up from his chair, Jiki quickly cleaned up their table and made his way outside. He took a moment to look at the sky, taking in the many colors that painted the vast space, as the sun set. It was getting rather late, and the two of them needed to return to the ship. If all of this really was a surprise date, then he had no idea if Tsukitachi even knew they had disappeared. Besides that, he wasn't sure where Kiichi had run off to, and was getting nervous.

Fifteen minutes of searching the town, and he'd found her leaning against a wall in a back alley, desperately trying to dry her tears. He stopped at the entrance, watching her for a moment. His expression slowly softened into something along the lines of sympathy, before morphing into one of regret. He had never seen her so broken like this before, not once; and it pained him deeply— more than he would ever want to admit— to know that it was all because of him.

"Don't cry..." He whispered to her, gently taking her wrist and removing her hand from her face.

And then, as Kiichi looked up at him, big sapphire orbs still brimming with tears, he did something that surprised them both. Jiki leaned in slowly, eyes closing and lips parting slightly, as they claimed her own delicate pair in a tender kiss. Such an act left them both with conflicting feelings; as of delight, and despair. It felt wrong, but at the same time, right; too much, yet too little. They wanted more, and they wanted less.

Letting go of the young girl's wrist, Jiki then gently slid his hand behind her head, trying to ignore the fact that it was shaking the whole time, and tilted her chin with his other, to deepen the gesture. _Just what was he doing?_ He'd told himself to stop, and yet he'd gone and made it worse. It was wrong of him to do this, which he'd known very well. A simple kiss was a big mistake. And yet, he couldn't pull away; he didn't want to. He wanted to be closer to her; not just physically, but emotionally. It was as if, from this small act of affection, he'd felt like some hole, somewhere within him, was finally filled; that being able to express his feelings to her through this contact was all he needed to feel whole again. No amount of teasing her could ever make him feel this much joy.

Finally, although a bit hesitantly, Jiki pulled back. He looked her in the eyes for a minute, trying to see from her expression just what she may have been feeling now, after what he'd done. He was hoping that wasn't a bad idea, that he hadn't scared her and made her ashamed of herself. After all, if it hadn't been for Kiichi's sudden confession, Jiki probably would have lived on, denying his own feelings, until he made it to the grave.

"Kii-chan, are you afraid?"

"No... Kiichi is fine." She shook her head faintly.

"I'm glad." He replied softly, a small smile gracing his lips as the other didn't run away. "Now, if you had stayed and listened to me, I'm sure things would have turned out differently. See, you didn't let me finish."

When she showed a bit of confusion, he continued on. "I understand how you may feel. It's scary to suddenly develop feelings for another person, especially if it's your first crush. I didn't mean to upset you, Kii-chan. I only want what's best for you. If the two of us were to start dating, people would talk; and I can tell you right now, they wouldn't be saying nice things." The smile faded. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"Jiki-kun...!" Kiichi started, though he gave her a look that told her to drop it right there.

He knew what she was going to say. _Don't worry about me. I don't need you to protect me._ Jiki didn't want to hear it. She could try to be as strong as she wanted, but in the end, she would break. That was very clear to him, and he was not about to let that happen.

"It may be that I share your desire. But, for the time being, I cannot answer those feelings. Unless we were to keep our relationship a secret..." His voice trailed off as realization struck, and he quickly added, "—however, that is not an invitation!"

Kiichi's expression flickered between excitement and disappointment in the short time he'd taken to correct his statement. He was right, after all. They couldn't do this.

"But," He started again. "If, in the future, you and I still feel this way..."

Upon hearing this, she blinked and looked up at him eagerly.

Jiki stared into her eyes with the softest expression she had ever seen him make, and one she would be lucky to ever see again.

"Then, maybe, we could work something out."

It wasn't an exact confession, nor was anything actually definite, but it was enough for Kiichi. Since the start, she had only meant to realize how he felt about her; never thinking of what would happen should he feel the same way. In truth, she was scared of the thought; she'd never expected him to be this gentle, or considerate about the whole situation. Today, Jiki had shown her a completely different side to him; a side she greatly wanted to get to know better, but one that could only be expressed in time. It saddened her just a little, to think that starting tomorrow, they'd be back to bickering and teasing, and forget all about the feelings expressed today; but maybe, just maybe, this event would serve their relationship well.


End file.
